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Friday, 13 September 2013

Cliff's Chicken Baguette

Commandant de ferry
Pont-Avens
Brittany Ferries
Millbay,
Plymouth,
Devon
PL1 3EW

9th September 2013

Reference: Clifford’s Baguette

Cher Commandant de ferry,

I am writing on behalf of mon amie, Clifford Woodhead. He would write himself but il a des problèmes avec la lecture et l'écriture, as he was born in Yorkshire and as such barely holds more than a rudimentary grasp of the lecture et écriture.

Prejudice aside, Monsieur Woodhead is an annual passenger aboard your vessel, the Pont Avens. Every year Clifford saves his francs to join you aboard the pride of the Biscay fleet where he luxuriates himself in all that is français. Within minutes of boarding, Clifford totally amerces himself in so many of your national pastimes; eating songbirds, trying to sink the Rainbow Warrior and of course, running away from Allemande passengers quicker than Ronan O’Gara flees from a tackle.

Clifford loves his time abroad, aboard your bateau. His highlight is your chicken and salad baguette, sold in your lunchtime restaurant. The moist, succulent and savoury poulet filling has become something of a legend in the Woodhead residence. The 52 weeks pass between trips with Clifford carefully saving the whole cost (£2.75) of the baguette by borrowing money from charity boxes and fiddling the sociale.

Sadly, it has come to light since returning from our recent voyage that the quality of the chicken and salad baguette has been drastically compromised. As a result, Clifford’s voyage across the sea, aboard your boat, was something of a disappointment. The problem, it would appear, is that the amount of poulet in the baguette has been greatly reduced from previous years. So much so, that Clifford believes that the baguette should actually be described as a salade et un peu de poulet baguette. He also feels that he is owed a significant refund on his purchase, plus compensation for the resultant trauma and suffering that arose from his disappointment. Not least, that his wallet was unburdened of such an extravagant amount.

His disappointment is best summed up in his own words, ‘it were a bit like turning on Countdown, having deprived yourself all year of the final conundrum teaser, only to find out that Carole Vorderman had returned to replace Rachel Riley…..it were a reet kick in the stones’

I trust you will take this complaint with all seriousness and I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Kind regards,

R M Snowdrop

7 comments:

Randal M Snowdrop said...

Cliff, as promised, I've written on your behalf to Brittany Ferries to complain about your disappointing chicken baguette. I'll post their reply when I receive it. RMS

steve howcroft said...

That's very thoughtful , I'm sure cliff will appreciate it, he may even get a free trip as compo..!

tiger said...

Hopefully a rough Xing so they can have it back on the deck where it belongs, there may just be another wind-blown passerine waiting to feed on it ! Randal, you have absolutely excelled yourself this time - Bonsoir mon amie & merci beaucoup !!

tiger said...

btw, if you know of anyone going abroad soon let me know as I have 0.45 euros making a hole in my pocket,first caller can have em !

steve howcroft said...

Keep the 0.45 euros towards next years tip

MauriceC said...

Les Anglais ne comprend pas la cuisine de France. Ils preferent le Rostbif et Le Poisson et Pommes Frits.

Hadyn Jones said...

Maurice obviously obtained a grade 1 French 'O' Level.